Yogurt Is Killing Us

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Everyone is eating yogurt. Especially Greek yogurt. Greek yogurt is very popular.  The Greeks finally found something they are good at besides opening diners.  I know the Greeks also founded civilization. But that was a while ago.  Once the Greeks gave us mathematics. Now they give us yogurt.

Many say Greece has economic problems because of its attempt to deal with a ballooning budget deficit by implementing draconian austerity policies which have cut programs & services and stifled economic growth. I say its the yogurt.

There are so many yogurt places in NYC: Pinkberry, Red Mango, YogurtCity, YogurtVille. YogurtTown. YogurtCountry, YogurtPlanet, YogurtUniverse. Apparently all you need to open a yogurt franchise is an ability to put the word yogurt in front of some large term of geographical measurement.

This yogurt expansion is unsustainable. A guy I know told me that a place called Froyo recently opened inside of a Red Mango in the men’s room of a Pinkberry.  I have no desire to visit this location. I think our rampant yogurt obsession may be why the terrorists hate us. I know its why I do. The problem is obvious: In the Middle East the terrorists have nothing but desert.  In America we have nothing but dessert. That extra S causes so much anger.

Think about it. Would you go to Pinkberry if all they served was sand? Sand never tastes good. No matter how many sprinkles you put on it.

I also think our obsession with yogurt is the main reason we don’t have a cure for AIDS in this country. Our best scientific minds are no longer trying to cure AIDS. They are working on new yogurt flavors. That’s why I think we really need a delicious tasting AIDS vaccine. If it were ethical to create an AIDS vaccine that tasted like S’Mores & Gummi Bears I think we would have a cure by now.